In today’s final installment of Building Healthy Relationships, CAPS case manager Edward Olvera discusses how to build up positive emotions in relationships.
Building Relationship Bliss
by Edward Olvera, LMFT
In every relationship there is an Emotional Bank Account. There are many ways to build up this emotional bank account. One important way is through “bids” or attempts to connect, which is anything and everything that promotes or restores a feeling of connection and closeness between two people. How frequently each partner makes an effort, and how each partner responds are important elements for emotional connection.
When we show attentiveness, concern, interest, curiosity we communicate “you are important enough to deserve a few minutes of undivided attention”. Something simple such as a hug, or looking up from the TV for a minute to focus on what your partner is saying can do it. For what amounts to just a few minutes per day, you can build your emotional bank account so that you have a surplus of goodwill, trust, and affection to enjoy, and to buffer the stresses when, for whatever reason, times get rough.
Edward Olvera is a licensed marriage and family therapist and recently completed his tenure at UCSC CAPS as our psychiatric case manager. He will be sorely missed!